Clever remarks only come to me when the proper moment for them has grown cold. When I’m on my lonesome, turning the event over in my mind, I whisper them to myself in triumph. Chagrin immediately crowds the transitory pleasure of coming up with something.
The Event That Could Have Gone Better
Today I was helping my Dad mow a lawn. It was raining and I was commissioned to operate a riding mower. So being myself, I regarded comfort over pride unconsciously and propped an umbrella between my knees as I zigzagged over the lawn. This method, though undignified, effectively kept me dry.
Of course I knew that my decision would create a humorous image, but the thought didn’t surface in time for me to heed this fact.
Movement drew my attention to the street and I caught an outline of a man moving behind a fence. Thinking nothing of it, I completed another turn. Finished, I parked the mower and got up.
As I shut down the engine I saw the same man with his phone tilted in photo mode. At first it did not occur to me that he was trying to take a picture of me in my awkward situation. When he walked up to me I asked him if I could do anything for him.
“Uh, yeah. I missed the chance to get a picture.” He gestured toward the lawnmower.
“What? Are you serious?” I replied, my brows furrowed.
“It’s kinda funny to see someone mow a lawn with an umbrella here. Can you just sit on the mower again so I can take one really quick? Otherwise my friends will never believe me.”
Finally realizing what he was asking, I turned beet red and started to stumble over silly words mixed with giggles. “Yeah, sure.” I plopped back on the lawnmower seat and steadied the umbrella.
For some reason I felt like I needed to explain myself. “I don’t like getting wet,” I said lamely.
I shielded my face and he captured the scene. At this point I was trying to figure out why I obliged so readily to his request and I slumped in embarrassment as he walked away.
Upon reflection I wish I handled this situation with a little bit more grace and humor. I imagine myself saying something clever like, “I know I’m a spectacle, but I didn’t expect to draw a paparazzi.” I would then grin brazenly into the camera. As he thanks me I would tell him that I hope his friends get a kick out of it.
So if you ever see a picture depicting this event floating around the internet… That’s me.